All these phases in life.

A friend decided to categorise her life into "seasons" whereby between each "season" there's a change of setting/situation/mindset/view on life. She is in her season 3 now. I tried but could hardly fit my life into countable "seasons". It could partly be due to my overly detail-oriented analysis and hence categorisation. It could also be the many, many changes in my life or my thoughts that got me a bit thrown. But these phases in life, O these phases in life, sometimes drive me so crazy and weary and you wonder - do I really have to go through all these?

I went through phases when I couldn't wait to grow up; when I was quite enjoying being a kid; when I was annoyed people weren't treating me like an adult; when I became really proud of having grown up and matured... but now, I am not so sure anymore. Maybe growing up isn't that good an idea after all.

As I marched down Highgate Hill from the hospital in my high heels eagerly to get the bus home after a short but tiring day, something at the side of the pavement caught my eyes. A small, frail old Caucasian lady was seated on a bench holding a book, and a street cleaner was crouching next to her, leaving the rubbish trolley and sweep on the ground. With his back facing me, this scene almost looked suspicious and worrying as instinctively, pictures of vulnerable little old ladies flashed across my head. As I walked past them, I gave a quick headturn just to check everything was alright. It must have been just a mere second - but the book was a pocket bible; the lady was reading it out softly; and the Latino cleaner was kneeling in front of her, listening attentively. As this realisation took place in the next 0.001s, the young man looked up and gave me a gentle and warm smile. It was a beautiful moment. As beautiful as watching two children sharing ice-cream, or a mother playing with her baby. Whoever says religions destroy? It is precisely this picture - that religions transcend ethnicity, age and background, teaching humility and bringing Man onto his knees - that finely brings out the beauty of existence,  that Man is essentially good and is still willing to seek peace and bring peace.

Holiday sex fears for young women

© ITN 2008

It is not fun doing the current COOP (Care Of the Older Person, i.e. Geriatrics) rotation. Indeed it is more interesting in a way that your patients have practically everything wrong with them so as medical students you get to see many signs. Also, old people have so many amazing tales to tell that you do gain a lot of first-hand history from them. Yet it is frustrating especially when you are trying to clerk a patient for presentation and everyone on the ward is either mouribound or too demented to answer any questions properly. It is also really sad - their illnesses, their life stories, and their helplessness.

Today, we clerked a patient with Parkinson's Disease. She was highly educated and had achieved a lot in her lifetime. It must be especially horrible to be institutionalised. Not that I am having a double standard for people who are poorly educated. But imagine having been so knowledgeable, respected and well-known, only to get Parkinson's with slurred speech, inability to express yourself, incontinence and nurses calling you 'my deeeear' patronisingly the whole day while being stuck with Tom, Mary and Jo in the hospital. My patient had a 'pride' issue, not wanting to be exposed or examined, and felt terribly embarrassed whenever her bowel opened, or when she needed some nurses' assistance. It took me some time to decide to clerk her anyway.

It was sad to see her fighting through her disease in trying to answer our questions. Sadder as she unfolded her life stories and told us the books she wrote. "Parkinson's doesn't kill you, but it takes your life away." she said, staring into my eyes with a long, affirming gaze, as if to warn me never to "pick it up". There is something about seeing incredibly intelligent and outstanding individuals in such a state that makes you feel like it is a waste of their gifts. After I went home, I did a google search and it was just so surreal to see the lists of works she had done. It was almost unimaginable that the person I saw earlier in the day who was not even able to drink tea herself is the same person appearing on my google search with her name following sophisticated book titles and famous works. One cannot help but wonder, what would you do if you were her?

And I suppose that is the true joy of medicine. As cheesy as it sounds, it is a magical intertwine of science and humanities. At the end of the day, a patient's illness is merely but a part of his/her life which we often can only see from one plane.

Clinics started on 3 September and it has been swift 3 months. From the introductory course initially to finally integrating ourselves into the hospital, I have been enjoying myself fully and it has been reassuring that I have chosen the right profession for myself. Though like many have said, throughout your career in Medicine you would keep questioning yourself why have you got yourself into this overworked, underpaid profession, but at least now, like what Dr Webster expected us to be, I am turned on by all that is happening in the hospital and I hope this spark lit up would not be blown out anytime soon.

I am grateful for a very good firm - the 6 of us med students and all the doctors working with us. Some of them are amongst the top in their sub-specialty field in the world, if not in the UK. It is an honourable thing to be following them around when you have patients coming up to them saying it is such a priviledge to see them at last. We have marvellous junior doctors who would go out of the way to help us and at the same time are so much fun. One of them used to be a breakdance champion in his younger days. Another one had a massive haemorrhage from letting me cannulate him. The recent hospital party at Wax Bar was cool too, seeing doctors getting hammered, grinding each other and some occasional pulling. The T9 phlembotomist is a star. She has been so patient in the first few weeks letting us follow her around the ward in the morning to take blood, teaching us special technique and manners. She is one of the most sensitive and considerate persons I have seen in my life and even the most difficult patients love her. And then we found out she was actually a qualified doctor, mind you, specialist in Neuro infectious diseases, in Slovenia but could not find a job in the UK and had to settle for a phlembotomy job. Apparently a lot of the phlembotomy team are actually qualified doctors in their home countries in the same situation. Bless them.

Contrary to common belief, I am actually liking the hierachy a lot. It is a demonstration of the structure and organisation of this unique tribe called doctors and it calls for respect and humility. It humbles you and makes you feel like you need to work hard to go up step by step. That is ideally the case without anyone playing cunning games. But so far, the system works well for me and I enjoy sitting in the back row behind the Prof and Consultants row, the SpR row and the Junior Doctors row.

My firm has absolutely wonderful people. And the 3 of us in our mini-firm work extremely well together. Michael, Julia and I get along very well in and out of hospital. They are such lovely people with respect and passion in life. Having joined the year above skipping my Intercalated BSc, meeting new people including Cambridge and Oxford transfers, I am feeling much more integrated in the med school community for the first time. To be honest, I would not want to do any BSc anymore just because I am loving being in this year so much.

My first on-take experience was interesting and fruitful - so much so I did not want to leave the hospital. It was slightly boring at the beginning and then I was thrown to attach myself to a F1 who was always getting bleeped and always on the go. She was brilliant and extremely helpful - always going through the patient's folder with me before and after seeing a patient and explaining in details what exactly were written in there. On top of that, she would whip out her 'Cheese & Onion' to read together with me more on the conditions of the patients. Very unassuming girl and excellent bedside manners. We are still in touch and she is still very helpful.

Yesterday was our last day of our first rotation which was a real shame as I really enjoyed being on the firm - the people, the ward itself and basically the whole routine. After a frantic week of trying to get doctors to listen to our case presentations and get our forms signed off, we had to meet our head consultant to be assessed individually yesterday. Not sure how much he actually knew me, on his own or gathering from his juniors, and how much those assessments actually reflect on us, I got full marks in all the categories and received very reassuring comments - "Excellent. No problems at all. Good team member. Very promising student." Got me singing the whole day. Went shopping after firm lunch and bought myself THREE pairs of new shoes along with some other stuff including Spongebob Squarepants undies :)))))) Jolly good.

Dancing is quite a mess now. Have not got a proper partner this year and it got me so depressed last few weeks. I do not blame anyone but sometimes partner dancing is just so bloody difficult when there is a general lack of guy partners. Annie is also suffering the same fate in Nottingham. I think we may end up dancing with each other at competitions. It is going to be so difficult - a long-distance relationship indeed. With no practice, we are going to just turn up at the competitions and dance together our last year's routines and hope for the best. Can't even move on to intermediate level in Latin just because there is really no point for a girl-girl couple doing that when there are so many restrictions. The team is slowly taking its form but it is always difficult. The society itself is at the edge of falling apart because of the sudden departure of the President due to so many different personal matters. There is a huge vaccum in the committee and things are getting political and bitchy. Not good. I would step up and help, only when there is no one else suitable. But right now I am happy with my role of Publicity Officer, just sitting by the side and helping to neutralise any strong feelings.

Other than that, life is generally going well - it is in good hands. I have learnt to not be so disheartened when things do not go my way and slowly appreciate the meaning of the cliche that you never know what is installed for you.

The catching-up dinner last Thursday with Gracieloo, Florrine and Flora was such a joyful occasion, falling into the arms of familiarity all over again. A comfortable environment with people you have grown up with, you are not afraid of being judged or doing disgracefully silly things. It was a great conversation that lasted for almost 5 hours with us sipping tea in a Chinese restaurant after dinner until 1130 at night. O, how I love my 409 babes!

And so, I finally got my bum down to do some record keeping of my life. Too lazy for pictures. To whoever is still watching this space, peace out. :) xxx

Unfortunately, after abandoning my blog for ages, I am not going to have something very exciting about my life to talk about. My life is no doubt still as exciting as before. In fact, I feel more purposeful now that I am actually doing something in the hospital and feeling a little closer to becoming a doctor. But priorities have changed, outlook of life has changed. I do not feel the need to constantly articulate my feelings in life and document my journey thus far anymore. But there are the occasional times when you suddenly feel like speaking out as if to a large pool of audience or fanbase i.e. the 16 people remaining who are still logging onto my blog everyday to see whether I am alive still or maybe just to transit to somebody else' blog.

Not a newspaper person, not during school terms. BBC is my source of general knowledge on current affairs.

Australia airline 'fat tax' urged
leading Australian nutritionist has urged airlines to charge obese passengers more for their seats.

Dr John Tickell believes a "fat tax" would highlight his country's obesity crisis and make commercial sense, as heavier loads increase fuel costs.

But health groups have warned that to single out people with weight problems could cause them emotional stress.

Recent studies estimate that 67% of Australian men and over half of women aged over 25 are overweight or obese.

Experts have warned that by 2030 half of the country's children will be overweight or obese if the problem goes unchecked.

In March, Australian health officials were forced to equip their fleet of ambulances with heavy-duty stretchers to cope with the sharp rise in overweight patients.

'Too precious'

Dr Tickell, a leading nutritionist and author, told the BBC that society should take a more hardline stance against obesity and get tough on fat airline passengers.

He said that Australian airlines should impose charges on their overweight clients, as they do for excess baggage, because heavier loads increase fuel costs.

"I fly Sydney to Perth - five hours - and being totally disadvantaged by some huge person next to me literally flopping over into my seat. Why should I pay the same as them?" he asked.

Dr Tickell said it was important to start highlighting Australia's obesity crisis.

"I think we're a bit too nice, we're a bit too precious about minority groups. I think the majority group must have something to say too," he added.

But the chief executive of the Australasian Society for the Study of Obesity, Dr Tim Gill, said penalty charges should not be imposed on overweight passengers.

"It's not fair to single out those people who have a problem, which is already impacting greatly on their life, and make them feel like pariahs," he said.

A spokesman for the Australian budget airline, Jetstar, said it had no plans to charge larger passengers more for their seats.

Airlines are, however, monitoring long-term trends in the size and shape of their customers, the BBC's Phil Mercer in Sydney says.

What a great article. I think they should definitely charge fat people (fat in the context of clinically morbidly obese people and not "omg, look at this inch of cellulite on my thigh" fat) extra for flying. It is utterly stupid to "monitor long-term trends in the size and shape of their customers". You may create bigger room for the legs of taller future generation, but you DO NOT create bigger seats just because the world is getting fatter. That is indirectly encouraging people to be fat.

On that note, I would also like to point out how i HATE with passion the ads or sayings that you should embrace your shapes, love your curves, blahblahblah. If you are voluptuous and curvy, a little chubby and plump or with a born gigantic bum, that is fine. But if you are stuffing your face with chips and hamburgers everyday and having multiple spare tyres on your body to the point that one can no longer tell which layer is your boobs, then NO, you are not fine. And nobody loves your curves. Having said that, you should not become depressed and start slitting your throat because you are fat but try your best to work on it instead. What really gets on my nerves is how obese people still sit on their bums all day watching advertisements like Dove telling them YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE, LOVE YOUR CURVES, LOVE YOUR BODY. NO, you are not beautiful, you are not perfect and you will die from all the complications as a result of your obesity. And if you loved your body you should really do something about yourself. So STOP coming up with fancy device or modifications to accomodate fat people. Squeeze them into tight panties and tell them they ought to lose those fats.

So I haven't really kept up with blogging in the end. A twinkle in time, I am approaching the end of my summer holidays in Singapore again. I have been packing my stuff from secondary school and JC days. There is always this feeling of nostalgia when packing old things. Piece by piece they bring back old memories. And sitting in the middle of stacks of old notes, presents from friends, bits and pieces of souvenirs from the past, you wonder, where have all these years gone. What you had written then, and what was dear to you then; each item marks a phase in your life, and each year in life is often marked by a significant incident. If I had all the time in the world, I would allow myself to drown in this pool of reminiscence, revisit every single stage of my life, and examine how I have grown up all these years. A simple trip down memory lane is enough to move me to tears. "The happiest people do not necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." It has been an action-packed, dramatic life. I know I will not do myself any good to lug a heavy emotional baggage around as I continue through the journey. But, while I am still capable of taking time out to reflect, let me wallow in memories. Let me submerge myself completely under. Let me shut the world outside. And let me just dwell into every single emotion possible, without having to be judged, without having to be whipped to move along.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, peoploe may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never bewteen you and them, anyway.

Mother Teresa

And very anticlimaxly, in the same booklet (our RGS Farewell Alma Mater booklet) where I found the above, I found this written by Mr Loke Chee Wah for 403,

"Be brave. Be kind. Be flexible. And do support the arts."

...anyway....

This year is the year that most of my Singapore friends turn 21. (To think some of my English friends are only turning 20, or..19. -_-") So I have been attending a few birthday parties. It is weird how much emphasis we put in turning 21. In the States, it's the legal age to drink - the age to drink legally, rather. In other societies, it's the age when minors turn majors, when legal responsibilities finally fall on these newcomers in the society. I see its significance, but I don't actually see that much a deal in it. I couldn't wait to become 21. Not because it was sooo exciting but because I felt like I was 21 way before. I wanted to quickly hit 21 so that I could finally feel right, finally feel the age for the responsibilities given to me, and finally have the recognized powers that my legal responsibilities bring. It is a difficult feeling to describe. It wasn't as exciting as 19 going on 20 when one changes from a teen to a tween. Maybe it has a lot to do with what you have gone through and are going through too. 21 doesn't always bring the same significance at every point of time. Anyway, I love being 21 - filling forms without the need of parents' signatures, going into over 21 clubs, signing up for various things like im really the only one determining where im going, and not to forget, the movies that i couldn't have legally watched (R21 doesn't immediately equate porn). 21 marks the beginning of a new phase, when you are treated as a real individual in the society - a person that can generate revenue, a person that runs a  l i f e as part of the bigger life of the society. It is an entirely different status, complete with different hobbies, social network and social environment. But it also brings bigger challenges, bigger problems, though these are not limited to turning 21. 21 passed by so quickly. And soon I would be 22, and from then on, it wouldn't even matter that much anymore. I enjoy this liberty that I have been granted and that I deserve, along with the terms and conditions. But I am not sure if having more truths thrown at me, more weights piled on me are worth growing up.

Sometimes even I am amazed at what I am able to write in close friends' birthday cards. Things so inspiring, so encouraging, that I should really say to myself more. But aren't we all the same? You may never do as well as you preach. So I told Sarah, that Strong, is not just being able to hold back the tears, or pick yourself up after a fall, or many falls. Being strong, I have learnt over the years, means being able to accept things that are unfair, that we may not agree, that are out of our control and we could only let them be. I wished her not for dreams to come true, but for a clear mind and an open heart to let God guide her in fulfilling what He has blessed her or asked her to do and in realizing the full potentials in her. In today's homily, Father Adrian reminded us that we should let God be God, let God work his miracles in his own time, and in his own way. So true, and exactly what I was thinking about the night before. But the tricky thing is never about knowing it, rather, knowing to recall it when we need it the most.

And to the princess of the night, happy 21st!         

Ams my dear dirtydee! Soo excited and the photographer couldn't stop catching that moment; cutesy dessert tarts; presentation by Ams for Sarah; Sarah's fans in glasgow dedicating a song for her :) ;a surprise trophy;Ams & Saleem; Fidelia; the pretty rosy cake; Sarah and the friend who has known her the longest in the house (8 years!woah!); the support from Glasgow; the last candle with baby cousin; the 409 babes; the roses from the cake; the last song; the baby cousin awwwww

In contrast to Sarah's very sweet and homely birthday gathering, it was Michael's stylish and social birthday bash at One Rochester.            

With baobei wen; new friends Marc & Melvin and old friend pat; Mike's fabulouso US cake; wen, rach chow, germaine; RJ group photo; David & Shi-en; Marcus having the time of his life; baolin; happy Mike with the US cake and colour-coordinated candles; "taupok" (i never know how to spell it); Keith; David; Pat; the birthday boy. 

It is hard to imagine how weird it feels not to be dancing for so long, especially when dance practice took up half of my life in London this past year. So, on wednesday night I popped down to J&J to watch Brian and Sarah have lesson with Felix and after that got permission to practice there. It was GREAT having the smooth wooden sprung dancefloor, the Cha music and the wall mirrors. And it made me miss my dear BALADS people even more! Danced with Brian once before practising on my own and fooling around with Sarah doing our Med Fac cheerleading routine (which I have unfortunately forgotten 80%). I can't wait for Shaun to get back to take lessons with me!! Though I think he's more inclined to brush up on foxtrot and tango (which I canNOT do).

Brian and I decided to 'pop by' Zouk after that. I wouldn't have gone if not for Brian driving. We were there for different reasons though. Brian and Soongfee had to do 'research' about Mambo for their company's client who wanted to host an annual party there. I was just there to say hi to friends. But, so much for staying for an hour only, there were so many friends at Zouk on Wednesday it was unbelievable! The first half an hour there I already saw more people than I would usually see. It somehow nearly salvaged the disappointment that Zouk had given me. Brian described me as 'marking attendance'. True enough, me who was undergoing detox (from Saturday night, still!), decided not to drink and spent two hours bumming from Velvet to Zouk to Phuture just meeting up with friends and catching up. (Ok fine, I did have 3 'social' drinks that friends stuffed into my hands but they were nothing and had absolutely no effect on me. So detox it was still.)

Just for the record, saw Alwyn, Keith, Huihan, Cumarran, Russell Peirera, Sylvester, Dominic, Jeremy, Serene, Shirley, Alex1, Alex2, Trevor & his AC friends, Yingzhou, Hanyan, Benedict, Yingzhou's friends like Gina, Steph, Piyan, Piyan's friends like Qie and Louis, Ahmad, Xiuming, Tiankai, TK's friends, Moses, Daniel, Feldman, Ben Goh, Celene, Soongfee, Chermain... quite a lot considering it was just less than 2 hours.

Well impressed with myself for being able to pluck myself out of the club by 215am:)

With the SJI boys outside zouk; Steph & Y.Z.; View from the nest down on the mambo floor; Xiu & Tiankai; Ahmad; the mambo crowd doing the legendary mambo actions; Alex2 and Jeremy; Feldman, Ben Goh, Ben Goh's friend, Serene; Chermain

So afterall, i'm still narrating about parties. But I can guarantee you it's not all parties. There's only so much you can show about other things, isn't there?